Is screentime the best thing right now? Both in terms of control and privacy.
Parental controls should give you what you need. I’ve never used it so not sure what’s missing for you. Please explain and elaborate your question.
I can’t tell if my recommendation matches your expectations but possibly.
Parental controls on Apple devices allow managing your child’s activity while preserving the privacy you need.
On the most platforms, you can additionally create a parental account and manage specific in-app features for your child. This may not be supported by all platforms.
In my opinion, Apple screen time should do the job and I can’t recommend anything better suitable for your use case. Also please note that you can’t just replace screen time or parental controls on Apple devices because of restrictions by Apple.
However, Android provides a more secure interface and limits cannot be bypassed on most devices. Android provides more features for parents to manage their children’s device and ensure a safe usage.
On Android, parents can also view the browsing history right in their parental control app. I recommend the parental control app from Google if you plan on using Android. Please note, that iOS is proven to be more secure and private than Android.
Hope that helps 
I didn’t realize Android had a parental control feature.
I’m using GrapheneOS, and my spouse uses iOS. I’m conflicted on which direction to go with our kid. I want them to learn about privacy early on and be as protected from corporate targeting as much as possible.
Yes. 100-0.
If you decide to use iOS, which is more secure and private, you both would need an iOS device.
If you plan to get your child an Android phone, you can use both Android or iOS.
Go with GrapheneOS. They may end up learning about privacy tech at large and will be better protected. GOS is a little DIY and that teaches anyone who uses it enough about what digital freedom and true privacy & security really means and looks like.
I actually completely disagree. Too much is too much, too fast. I don’t have children myself, but I have done what was needed for four adults and a child. The first time, I tried Android devices first, but they were no good. We decided to get iOS for the whole family, and I’ve received nothing but thanks. I told the other three that I could help them if they got iOS, and they all went to the store.
Not everything is for everyone. But based on what OP was asking, I think I’m more in the right than wrong - personal preferences notwithstanding because personal preference is not what the question was about. No one can answer for another’s personal preference.
Have you met a child who has GOS and keeps in touch with friends only through Signal?
Using GOS doesn’t mean they only have to use privacy apps. Not sure of the logic you’re applying here. What does one necessarily has to do with the other. There are other ways to use all the apps you want while keeping atleast your personal accounts and apps safe and separate.
Have you looked over at the GrapheneOS forum?
Personally I’m of the opinion that if someone can feasibly be on GrapheneOS, even if it means sandboxed GPS and privacy invasive apps installed, then they should. Sounds like parental controls are kind of crippled compared to stock android though.
I kind of lean towards favoring stock android over iOS because at least there’s a better ecosystem of FOSS there which makes an eventual transition to GOS easier, and I don’t think iOS is really as private as many believe. It’s easy to get indoctrinated into the Apple ecosystem as well which can be very sticky.
So then just go ahead and make one just as good with GOS.