Anti privacy measures are ruining my health, unsure of what to do

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Hello everyone. I’ve been wanting to find a community that’s privacy focused that wasn’t r/privacy (for reasons I’ll disclose later in the post), and thought this place seemed like a good fit. TL;DR, I feel like I’m at my wit’s end regarding the surveillance state, and it’s been doing a number on my physical and mental health, and I’m clueless on what to do next, especially because I don’t have much money or stable income.

I’ve been aware of privacy issues since a young age, and ever since then, it’s spiraled out of control. I am sadly too young to recall a time before the privacy nightmare world that’s been the status quo for decades now, but I’ve been keeping up with privacy related topics as best as I could keep up with ever since I got targeted ads that had my location and the whole Edward Snowden fiasco. Needless to say, it’s been a real eye opener, but in a way that’s been too much to handle. Especially given how growing up, I would have privacy violations used as forms of abuse on me, so I know firsthand how no privacy can be used by those in power to hurt people, and knew that these new developments would only make the world worse.

I remember how horrified and helpless I felt when I not only learned of the true extent of privacy violations, but when it personally affected me. Not going into my abuse, as that’s too personally identifiable, I would have police show up to my house when I was discussing personal matters via private messages with someone that did not break any laws, and when I would recieve increasingly personalized ads that dove into secrets I wouldn’t make publically available. Then when “age verification” started to make the rounds, my mental health rapidly declided.

I thought it was obvious how creepy and threatening it all was, especially considering past anti-privacy laws and measures that have happened throughout history, but many people either (at least to the extent that I’m aware of) either don’t care or actually support such laws. I would write my local representatives (I am US based, if that matters) about it and how I oppose such things, and would either get ghosted or told that I don’t care about the safety of children or I’m “anti-American.” When I would talk about this to people I know, I would either get told that I’m paranoid or I have nothing to fear if I have nothing to hide. It’s beyond frustrating and heartbreaking.

I haven’t been able to get good sleep or have sound peace of mind for almost all my life, and this whole “age verification” nonsense has been the biggest detriment to it as of late. It’s gotten to the point that it’s affected my physical health too. Add in Flock cameras, Palantir meddling with surveillance tech and medical records, tech giants allowing backdoors and lack of encryption, governments being lobbied, and it’s just a mess.

I’m no computer expert. Learning is pretty hard for me, and I don’t have much money. But I wonder if it even matters. I don’t mean to come off as yet another “privacy nihilist,” but hearing about how GrapheneOS users are targeted by law enforcement, governments always have increasingly more surveillance powers, data leaks are now commonplace, devices are becoming more locked down and monitored, and so on don’t instill me with confidence. I just wanted to live my life in peace while being left alone. When it’s my turn to become an adult, the world turned to a blood chilling nightmare land.

I thought of supporting the EFF, but they don’t seem to be making any grounds in this fight. Anti privacy laws get passed through staged of the government almost unanimously and without fail. AI surveillance is everywhere and don’t seem to be stopping. Motorola phones packing GrapheneOS won’t be sold where I live because of “age verification,” and I really don’t want to give that horrible company Google any money. I’m not sure if I can trust used phones. My desktop is ancient (grew up poor) and am unsure if something like a modern Linux distro that’s privacy and security focused will work on it. I can barely wrap my head around Ubuntu off of a USB drive, for crying out loud. I don’t have the money for something like a Framework laptop or servers to self host stuff like email or messaging clients. But will any of this even matter? Again, not to be a nihilist, but stuff like LinkedIn is so commonplace with businesses and places of work, and on top of that, it uses Persona, job applications are used for data harvesting and sold off to data brokers and can be bought up my government agencies, AI surveillance cameras have routinely misidentified people as criminals and ruined their records, reputation, and livelihoods, it’s almost mandatory to have a smartphone in this day and age (but not explicitly enforced, so now you get told “well, you technically aren’t forced to have a smartphone, no one is telling you to have one,”) schools and workplaces demand you install spyware that only works on Windows/macOS, iOS, or base Android. I don’t feel like I’m even seen as human anymore.

I feel like nothing but a data point that generates data that makes the rich and powerful even more rich and powerful. A cow with a cattle tag that can’t escape the slaughterhouse that’s told being trapped is for my own good, even if it leads to my demise and to my farmer’s gain. I know I’m not alone, but places like r/privacy are honestly a bit pathetic. Not only do they have censorship that stretches quite a bit (which is baffling, given their stated goals,) ban people they personally disagree with, but people blindly upvote posts about laws being passed that secretly kill privacy (New York’s anti surveillance pricing bill includes “age verification,” Colorado has a Linux exception from “age verification” but only for BSD, to name a couple,) and there seems to be too much of a focus on preaching to the choir and spamming the same comments over and over.

All of this has made my head spin to the point where I get episodes of nausea. I’d love to start taking measures to stop this nightmare, but it seems all I can do is slightly reduce my digital footprint, like by using Proton Mail, use an AdBlocker, use IronFox or Brave Browser, and don’t give my government ID or biometrics out. But this does nothing to stop the surveillance state from getting worse. I don’t want to live in a copy of China. I don’t want to be at the mercy of corrupt powers and my only escape is an increasingly shrinking portion of the internet. I don’t know what to do. I feel so hopeless.

I apologize for the massive post, but I really wanted to get what I had to say out there in a way that respects my privacy and dignity. I want to improve my odds of fighting this nightmare. If you read the entire thing, then I give my thanks to you. I’d love to hear any potential tips from you all.

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Thank you for writing all of this out. And welcome to PG.

I read every word, and I want you to know that what you shared resonates with so many peopl; even if it doesn’t always feel that way. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone in this.

Privacy fatigue is real.

That’s something not enough people talk about. The exhaustion of constantly trying to stay ahead of surveillance, the mental load of researching tools only to feel like you’re one step behind, the weariness of writing to representatives who don’t listen, of being called paranoid when you’re just paying attention—it’s draining. And when you’ve experienced privacy violations as a form of abuse, that weight is even heavier. It makes sense that you’re exhausted. It makes sense that it feels like too much.

You are seen.

Not as a data point. Not as a “nothing to hide” argument to be dismissed. As a person who has been paying attention, who has been hurt, who wants to live with dignity and peace. That matters. What you feel matters.

You don’t have to have all the answers right now.

Sometimes the most human thing to do is simply to rest; not from the fight, but from the pressure of having to solve everything alone. You’re allowed to feel tired. You’re allowed to grieve the world you wish we lived in. You’re allowed to not know what comes next.

I’m glad you found this space. Take care of yourself today.

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I would suggest taking a break from the news.

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The best thing you can do is to become somewhat of a nutrition expert. I don’t mean like as a career path, but just learn it for yourself.
Why do I say that? Because getting the right nutrients in the right amount will not only make you smarter (yes, just by eating right) and help in this way to deal with all the problems, I mean most people don’t know it, but if you don’t have the right nutrients in the right amount in your body, you biochemically can’t even feel happy ever, it’s just not possible.
Also your sleep will get much better, if you eat right. And so much more.
But if you lack many nutrients, you will not think clearly and can even get into a state of depression.
Btw nutrition is not only about getting the right stuff into your body, but also about keeping the bad stuff out.

Also you have to keep in mind, that you live in the US, which is kinda a “special” country in a bad way and does not represent the whole planet. Not the whole world is like the US.

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You already have the seed:

Make it blossom by reducing as many third-party dependencies as possible. Take your time to critically think about what really matters to you or not.

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Make no mistake there are a lot of people who share the same thoughts and feelings on current worldwide privacy situation. It’s not a comforting figure of speech, just a reality. It’s a big club, so you won’t feel lonely.

You’re aware now. Being aware is not a problem but a solution. Let me illustrate this with your financial situation in mind. Having Ubuntu (or Fedora) instead of Windows is a free and strong privacy move. Buying an old $100-150 Thinkpad that will run almost any Linux decently is a strong privacy move (for ex T480, yep, them microcode updates, firmwares updates are out of the question but it is not about coming with a perfect solution but a real practice oriented one). Buying an affordable phone and sticking to open-source apps instead of stock apps is a strong privacy move. Using open-source or at least privacy oriented services (a lot of them have free tier) is a strong privacy move. IMO it’s about 90% complete privacy solution for an average privacy conscious person. It’s a solid foundation. It is enough and you’re almost there.

Don’t mind the 100% privacy badge. It is a perfect goal at the end of the road, just something to look up to. Good experienced people here are fighting to add 1 or 2 percents to them 90, maybe 5, tops. It’s not an obligation, desperation or fear based choice. It is a decision made out of experience and practice. You can get there later, if you want to.

It is also important to constantly remind yourself that it is all about people, community so to speak. Find them, connect with them. This is how you build a real fortress anywhere. Have them decent and reliable folks, one or two or even three (that’s a lot) and you can effectively approach any battle or task, whether it is a personal or social one.

Avoid sponging so-called news, highly exclusive leaked videos, eye opening podcasts etc. It is a profit driven flow for the most part therefore it will never dry out. Narrow it down to three text based (preferably) reputable sources not connected with each other (different institutions, different regions) and check them once a week. Read more, walk more, breathe more. Them simple things do work.

Running will not get you out of this situation but walking in the right direction will. Also it is easier to blend in that way.

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Welcome. So first of all, please take a deep breath.

There’s more surveillance than ever, sure. But also, taking personal steps to improve your privacy has never been easier.

“When I would talk about this to people I know, I would either get told that I’m paranoid or I have nothing to fear if I have nothing to hide”

I would advice against doing that. “Normies” get scared about this stuff really easily. They navigate their world of privacy with what little they understand and what they can do, and don’t want to know anything that would increase their worries. You can only ask your closest friends to care to the extent of not sharing your personal life, and you can only ask them to use the same secure messaging apps. My experience is, that if they don’t major in CS, they have absolutely no idea about any of this stuff, and most likely won’t care.

The issue with news is media needs to sell, and fear sells. It sounds to me like you’re neck deep in news, and doing high effort magical thinking to try to change the world by stressing about it. That won’t work. One more privacy tool won’t help. One more consumer privacy law won’t fix it. It’s politics, which is an eternal tug-of-war between interest groups. This stuff is never going away.

To me it sounds your anxiety comes from deeply rooted lack of “basic trust” (Erik Erikson) that normally tells people the world is safe. You didn’t obviously learn it in your adolesence.

So let me say it. You’re safe. There’s a lot of people who go about their daily lives knowing what you know, and they’re not being shoved into the hole for speaking out. Take Cory Doctorow for example https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39jsstmmUUs You should try to find good role models like him, and remember that even at their position, with their opinions, charisma, platform, and influence, they’re fine.

There seems to be a lot of what-ifs in your internal monologue, like the “what if AI surveillance misidentifies me as a criminal”. You go about your day every day playing lottery with every car you come aross: the driver could be drunk, on drugs, get a seizure, or be mentally ill or suicidal. You accept those risks because being paralyzed by fear would mean you wouldn’t live your life at all.

The difference here is your extreme focus on privacy issues. You know every risk that’s been published, but you’re not an oracle and you don’t know the true probabilities of those risks. Thus, you can’t perform realistic threat modeling, and every infinitesimally unlikely threat is a perceived threat to you, simply because you can name it and describe it.

You need to focus on your mental health first.

I say this with all the love I can muster: I don’t have the faintest idea who you are. You’re not in charge of the defence against surveillance state, and not I, nor anyone else is counting on you at the moment. We got great people like EFF’s Cory preaching to the public. We have ACLU’s Chris Soghoian advising senator Wyden, and we got FOSS project authors writing privacy-first tech. We can absolutely manage without you, but we’d LOVE to have you once you’re ready. :slight_smile: This means you have every right to focus on yourself, and get your mental health in order first.

To get there, you need to stop stressing over details of privacy stuff, and you need to start looking into what you can sustain. Here’s a few examples:

Operating Systems

E.g. do not waste energy trying to debloat Windows and to make it respect your privacy. It’s closed source and you’ll never know what it actually does. But you can compartmentalize. Run Windows only for games and occasional photoshop. If you can, disconnect it from net network permanently. The chances are, no big brother cares about you enough to bridge the air gap.

Or, you can switch to Linux permanently. There’s a learning curve, sure, but you’d be surprised how much ChatGPT can help you to get started. Asking for it to explain how to do tasks in terminal isn’t really leaking sensitive things about your life. Stressing over LLMs is pointless as long as you don’t use it as a therapist or friend.

Browsers

Stop fuzzing about browser extensions and settings. Big lines matter most: Use Firefox for stuff you don’t care someone learns you doing online. Use Mullvad Browser and a decent VPN for when you want to avoid commercial surveillance. Use Tor Browser when you want to minimize what state surveillance can learn. Then through trial and error, try to figure for the Mullvad/Tor browsers which safety slider level you can have without it breaking your browsing experience. That’s it.

Messaging

In case it’s a thing, stop trying to convert people to use your app. Close friends you have deep convos with don’t mind using private apps if you ask them. What apps they accept will affect how close relationship you can have with them.

If the close friend / partner understands your concern and is willing to switch, use Signal if you only want to keep what you say to them private. Use Cwtch if you want to keep it a secret you’re in contact with them in the first place (unlikely). Otherwise, use what they’re willing to use and self-censor accordingly. Best way to deepen relationships is F2F anyway, and that’s still mostly surveillance free.

Diary

Stop worrying about computer endpoint security and (state) hackers having access to your private thoughts you write down. Save money and buy an old second hand laptop from Craigslist, and run a Full Disk Encrypted Linux without network on it. A 2010 potato laptop can run latest Lubuntu OS, so it doesn’t have to be anything fancy.

Password managers

Use offline application. KeepassXC is great. Generate 128-bit random unique passwords for every service. Make sure you have keepass DB backup.

Deimos mentioned privacy fatique. It’s indeed real, and anything that requires frequent extra steps is something you’ll eventually give up doing anyway. Not today, but 10-15 years from now for sure. So again, the common theme with the examples above, is you need to identify critical things that have minimal robust fix (like the airgapped diary), and for everything else, you want Pareto optimal solutions (80% of privacy and security with 20% of work).

And this advice is targeted to you specifically. You don’t sound like you’re in life-or-death situation wrt activism. You sound like you’d just prefer to be left alone, and you need to find peace. You won’t have time or energy for the trauma therapy if this stuff consumes your days, but I also get you can’t just drop it.

So start thinking strategically about ways to optimize the privacy stuff to start building resources (time and energy), and then get help ASAP. You said you weren’t made of money and I get therapy is expensive. If you manage to save up for it, make sure to find out beforehand that the therapist specializes in your childhoold trauma experiences. If nothing else, there’s always books. Avoid grifty self-help books, and instead try to find books written by therapists and experts of their field. Not many people know this but librarians aren’t there to just put books on the shelf. They have professional training for finding high quality literature for pretty much any topic.

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